My wife hates my family and it’s killing our marriage?
I am very close to my family and my wife believes that my mother is a manipulative woman who prefers to stir things up and “play her kids” in order to get what she wants. When discussing my family, my wife will hurl all sorts of personal character insults at my mother and then if it gets heated enough, she’ll defile my father, my sisters and their spouses. She will state that they are disorganized, selfish, unwilling to discipline their kids and just about anything else she can think up. this is all a smoke screen though. The big issue lies in her sense that I make them my priority over my immediate family and that if they call or come up with a plan, I’ll “drop everything” to do it and I won’t think of my wife or kids’ needs. The problem is twofold: 1) the dynamic has been so bad for so long now, that I have to fight with my wife just to spend time with my family, so to her, it looks like I’m always willing to do what they want. If I acquiesce and take my wife’s side, I’d never see them. 2) my personal values and approach to life are more like my family than my wife’s. I’m very laid back and go with the flow, so when my family calls with a plan, I don’t see any issue with it so I don’t try to place a whole bunch of constraints on the plan like my wife would like to. They whole situation has gotten worse even though I’ve sat my wife down and told how her behavior makes me feel. I’ve told her I don’t expect her to embrace my family but that I want her to stop speaking badly about them and to not throw up these lame excuses to try to keep us (my children and I) from seeing them. My wife is a very smart and successful woman. She’s a lawyer by trade and is the type of person that has no problem arguing. She doesn’t do the ‘touchy feely’ stuff and will not readily admit issues in her past. Oh and her parents are the model grandparents which she uses to compare to my parents and thus fuel her argument that they are terrible grandparents. So the basic equation looks like this: How do you love a person who hates something that you love so much? And how do you move forward without divorcing if: 1) you’ve sat down and told her how you felt a number of times and she says she’ll tone the hateful remarks down but always goes back to the same behavior?, 2) are not going to ‘play along’ and agree with all the terrible things she says about your family just to validate her feelings?, 3) she refuses to go to counseling with you so you have no respected 3rd party that can point out what she’s doing to you and your kids?, 4) you are doing everything you can to keep your family from know how she feels because you treasure your time with them and don’t want to have it ruined. I have two beautiful young children and don’t want them to suffer through a divorce. I will stay in this marriage if for no other reason than the kids, but it’s getting worse, not better and I’m running out of options. I see a lot of responses that say, “just sit her down and tell her how you feel” or “act like a man and stand up to her, etc., etc.” Done all that and we just continue to go toe to toe on this subject with no end in site. I can’t spend the next 20+ years like this. I know you can’t make anyone change, but there’s no impetus or motivation for her to stop being like this.
I wont tell you to sit her down and talk to her. Sound to me that you have already made up your mind as to what to do here.with the remark you made that you cant go through this another 20 years.you sound like a very smart person, and im sure you know that staying with someone for the sake of the kids. Is not a smart thing to do. You don’t want your children to think this is normal for a relationship do you? I think it is best that you part ways, you can still love your children and be there with them and for them.now allow me to say this, you really bashed your wife, and im sure what your saying is true. But i don’t think your family are just a bunch of innocent victims here. I think you are going to have to tell your wife you want a separation, and explain why, but i have to tell you don’t get your hopes up of being with her even if she says she will change. She is still going to have these feelings for your family, and sooner or later those feelings will come out again. Good luck!!
has university degree lost its prestige?
i am graduating this year and i have beein thinking about what i want to do. i realize that everyone says you have to go to university and its seems like the best option for becoming most successful. after 4 years of university, what can you do?nothing! you always have to specialize in something and you end up putting yourself in so much debt. yet going to college and learning a trade, one can make tons of money. my plan was to be a dentist but i fear if at some point in university, i find myself helplessly stuck, what am i going to do?
what should a kid who is graduating do?whats the best option?my family thinks university is the only option
Yes, college degrees are vastly over-rated. There are millions of college graduates who are not working in their field. So many have tried to declare bankruptcy to escape from their crushing debt that the government years ago made it illegal. If your going for a specific degree, it is worth it, but if your not sure, don’t go. My father had a friend who was an electrician, started his own business and employed 6 people, his parents still considered him a failure because he did not go to college. It is just crazy.
BELARUS GOVERNMENT, man-made disasters, corporate personhood!?
I need to know a few things about belarus:
Their opinion on man-made disasters and how/when to deal with them
Background on Belarus’ history with man-made problems (not necessarily in their own country)
Actions taken or planned to be taken to deal with it (successful or not)
Belarus’ proposals to solving man-made disaster related problems (like chernobyl, etc.)
Their opinion on Corporate Personhood
background on the history of their corporate personhood and stuff
Actions taken or planned to be taken to deal with it (successful or not)
Belarus’ proposals to solving or deciding on corporate personhood (treating a company like a person and giving them certain rights)
I only have a LITTLE information on corporate personhood: These regions for the most part are undergoing rapid economic growth and development, with considerable legal and government infrastructure build up. This fact is reflected in their economic growth rates – Turkmenistan, Thailand, Laos, and Belarus all rank in the top 25 countries by growth rate this year. While these regions have benefited significantly from foreign trade and investment, and are very much open to international corporations, they do not want to be the victims of unscrupulous companies as much as anyone else. Therefore, these countries will have a moderate position. They will try to keep the judicial power in the hands of the country the corporation is operating in, but at the same time will push for a clearer legal standard and framework on the question of corporate personhood.
If you guys could PLEASE INCLUDE SOURCES that would be great!!! I can’t find anything.. please help!
It sounds more like you are just ranting and inserting the name of Belarus into your posts. No real questions posted here.
Farming experience question.?
Hey I’m 18 years old, I’ve done very well in school, and I will be going to a big University in a few months so naturally I’m beginning to think about the things I want to pursue as a career. My grandfather was a very successful farmer who is now retired, but his rather large amount of farm land will eventually be passed down to me. Neither one of his sons(my father and my uncle) took up the family trade but rather pursued more lucrative office type jobs. But the more I get to know about myself the more I realize that that lifestyle isn’t for me. I’ve been working at my dad’s office this summer, and I have found that I need to do something that is mine, in which its success or failure is my responsibility so that I can labor and see the fruits of that labor clearly. I love the outdoors and I’ve always been more of a hands on work kind of person. I’m in good physical shape and I would do good with hard work. The problem is, although I have been exposed to some farming/ranch work, I’m not very experienced. So I have the land and the desire to farm, just not the experience. I’m set on going to college, and I’m going to major in business, agronomy, agriculture, etc. But I’m still wondering if anyone could give me a little insight on how to get the experience to be a successful farmer while still earning a college degree. My plan as of now is just to wonder around taking any experience-rich jobs until I feel comfortable coming home and running a place myself. Does anyone have any wisdom concerning my situation.
If farming is what you want to do, sit down NOW with your Grandpa and Uncle and express your concerns and goals and how you want to continue farming when they retire. Tell them you understand you are short on “hands on experience” but want to start making up for that ASAP! Also tell them you do want to get a degree or 2 like Ag. Business, agronomy, and continue working and learning from THEM every spare minute you are not in college. Be right up front with them and mean every word you speak, then show them with your physical efforts. And Learn. What you can learn from your Grandpa and Uncle is the equivilant of a 3rd College degree.
Build yourself a 2-3-4-5 year plan. It needs to include college and what you plan on learning, time you are going to spend on the farm and what you want to learn (don’t just say everything) have a plan for when you are off in the summer and what you want to accomplish on the farm.
After college have a plan how you envision working your way into the farm both as a “worker” and “owner operator” in the future. Crops you’re going to grow, how you will rent to own (or whatever idea you can come up with) the land and machinery. Remember Farmers are “property rich” and dollars poor. So you are going to have to consider exactly how they want to benefit from this arrangement too.
Make sure it is fair to both them and You !! DONOT expect them go just hand everything to you. You have to earn it. NOthing really worth having is has the value that working for it is worth.
On the other hand don’t allow yourself to get bent over a barrell either. This is a business decision and a life long business decision you are entering in to, So whatever you and your Grandpa and Uncle arrange has to be a fair business arrangement for you also.
I am not to sure how lucritive ?? Working in an Office is..?? 40 hour week and what does a person have to show for it ?? A paycheck ?? So… What about the rest of the equation?? Being able to actually point at a field and say I grew that? That machine over there, not only can I run the thing,, I also know how to fix it when it breaks. You will have a feeling of accomplishment that is never gotten working in an Office. You get a paycheck and not only does not ANYONE notice (indluding yourself) nobody give a RATS REAREND one way or the other.
Farming is a Lifestyle yes,, and farming is also a business and if You DONOT TREAT IT LIKE A BUSINESS it will NOT be a lifestyle for very long.
Understand ?? !!
When will the stock market have a big day?
Hey I’m messing around with a couple of stocks and making quick trades. Buying and selling a couple of days later. I’m not looking for advice or suggestions that I shouldn’t do this, I just want to know everyone’s opinion on when the stock market will finally come through with a big successful day. Stocks have been slumping badly since the Bailout plan was finally passed but it’s only a matter of time before the market has 1 or 2 solid days. Tomorrow? A couple more days? Let me know what you think.
Today. The futures are up big.
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